Inheritance of helplessness

• tokoroten

  • I wonder if there are cases where parents with a half-hearted understanding of IT create an aura of “programming is difficult” and this propagates to their children. I’m thinking about it.

  • I didn’t have that experience at my place because I had parents who didn’t understand computers at all.

• I think there are many adults who, implicitly or explicitly, give an aura of “you can’t do it” when a child tries to challenge something they have tried and failed at, or something they have never tried without thinking they could do it, not just in IT. And sense of helplessness is inheritance.
• We need a filter that converts “X makes it impossible to do” into “It can be done, and even if it doesn’t go smoothly, there is a way out, but X makes it impossible, so be careful about that.
• Helplessness is a contagious disease, and as an adult you can take steps to “keep your distance if you see an infected person,” but it’s very difficult when you’re a child and your parents are infected.
• [windhole https://www.facebook.com/nishiohirokazu/posts/10213587448857094?comment_id=10213587634741741&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22 R0%22%7D]

  • Many parents (both explicitly and implicitly) want their children to “do well,” and by that logic, it’s better to stay away from things that are likely to fail, right? Praise them for doing well Parents usually do. It’s very hard to get them to understand otherwise. I think it’s partly because those guardians have been imprinted on them since they were children, too.

    • I think the definition of “doing well” may be at odds with the guardian’s and my own.
    • Doing well” means trying many “things that can go wrong,” succeeding in some of them, and of course making many mistakes, but they don’t happen, and as a result, when outsiders look at you after the fact, you become “a person with some amazing achievements.
      • Trying a lot leads to success.
• [Kato https://www.facebook.com/nishiohirokazu/posts/10213613642351915?comment_id=10213614080082858&comment_tracking=%7B%22tn%22%3A%22 R%22%7D] - Propagation of hidden hostility - Parent A stops Child B from doing X, which Child B is trying to do. - Child B feels anger but perseveres. That becomes [hidden enmity - When grandson C tried to do X, child B said, “I was made to quit, why you! and gets angry and makes grandson C stop his behavior.
  • I see. Same composition as [cycle of abuse

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