from pIntEn rhythm English and Japanese have different rhythms. Whereas Japanese is a syllable-timed language, English is stress-timed. The result is that the rhythm of English (spoken and written) is iambic pentameter - therefore English has a kind of sing-song rhythm (de Da de Da de Da de Da de Da - usually five per sentence, which is why it is called pentameter). This is why sentence length matters. The translation doesn’t have the right rhythm. Up till now I’ve looked mainly at the content, and I’ve corrected surface matters. However, I would suggest that I go back to the beginning and adjust the language on a much deeper level. I think your book is excellent and a fantastic resource. It is packed with information, which makes it a very dense read, and ease of reading is of paramount importance.
I understood the importance of the rhythm. But I think the rhythm adjustment should be after the entire translation is over. If we start now, it will be interrupted to wait for my translation. Unfortunately I have a high priority task and I can not spend much time until mid-July.