devil's advocate

• Amazon

With the development of LLM, natural language processing can be done at a lower cost, and I think Keichobot will be able to demonstrate more human-like listening closely skills.

There are too many examples of baby boomers who can’t listen.

• Outdated and needless self-talk and not listening to young people properly - An old man telling an old story

• This man in his 40s is unaware that he is a “weak information provider” and provides information that is not requested because he feels arrogance that he is older and knows more than he does. - mansplaining - Awareness of Information Weakness

Reason for action desire Desire and Emotional Snowballing

To start a conversation Avoiding closed questions with unknown outcomes.

• Because a “no” would make it impossible to continue. You’re asking questions you know the answer is “yes.”
• If they can tell you why they say “yes,” and even if they don’t, you can ask them about it.

Closed questioning feels like being interrogated.

• Closed questions are effective when the other person is not a talker and cannot speak

Talking about the weather is bland, but not interesting.

Instead of inviting the other person into your realm, go to theirs.

If you feel you are in a place where there are negative factors, but they don’t feel it, then it’s okay.

• Motivation of the other party is important.

Is it because “trust between me and Kei” has been established that I benefit from conversations with Keichobot?

• Trust that “talking to Kei can help you develop your thinking.”

The capacity of listeners is full in about 90 minutes

• I think I’m listening, but I’m losing focus and can’t hear.

If the other party brings up a story that is difficult to mention (e.g., disability)

• Some people are afraid to hear negative stories.
  • I’m afraid to ask because I’m afraid I’ll hurt them.”
    • Keywords spoken by the other party
    • I don’t see them as equals, I see them as damaged goods.
    • contempt
• The scars on your arm are amazing.”
  • Self-harm is a nonverbal message

When the other person cries

• Ask them why they’re crying.

I will not rush to break the silence.

• Beyond the silence, the real story is waiting to be told. - faltering in one’s speech

Cases where the other party tells a story that is out of sync

• There is a common pattern of talking about third parties and secondary information instead of oneself.
  • It’s useless and needs to be stopped.
  • So, Mr. X, what did you think then?” What action did you take?”
  • A message that you want to hear from us.

The desire to be liked by others

• Abandoning the listener’s desires
• When you throw it all away, you don’t even have to listen to what they have to say.
• narrow down to one

Wanting the other person to be happy is a desire.

• What makes people happy is up to each individual.

Deep-rooted desire to help those in need

• Inevitably, you’ll find yourself in a superior position.

I want to be trusted.”

• Trust is what they do, not what you do.
• Trying to control the thoughts of others.

centering of the mind - calibration

• You don’t have to be there for them.
• If there is an axis of conflict, go for the center.

Unconditional respect for the other person does not allow for a flat relationship.

The use of positive words like “learning” and “growth” drives some people away.

• Polarization of the community occurs
• This is a problem because when this guy gets pushback from less conscious people, it’s harder to get information out of those people.

Always have a bottom line in mind.

The other person can only speak within the receptive capacity of the listener.

Desire to “understand the other

People who think that asking about self-harm is nonsense.

• This in itself is a filter that distorts perception.
• We must be aware of filters and make them as thin as possible

fastball

become used to death

• People who say they want to kill themselves.
  • It’s not good to stop right away without listening.
• Nursing Home
  • They’re dying faster and faster.
• Recognize that death is normal

paradoxical approach

• Hear what you think maybe not.
  • Is your daughter in private school?”
• The “so and so” tends to stay the same, but the “not” tends to be accompanied by another word.

Mainly a keyword-digging approach.

• Same as Keichobot

life history

• Often used in sociology, but not by the author.
• The reverse can be used.
  • Keyword exploration is the main focus, and it is used as a supplement to the main focus.

It might be useful for what he’s asking, but it doesn’t seem applicable to Keichobot.

• Focus on economic status
• Focus on romantic tendencies
• by physically moving from one location to another.

Often said “self-disclosure to gain the trust of others,” but the author is in denial.

---

This page is auto-translated from /nishio/悪魔の傾聴 using DeepL. If you looks something interesting but the auto-translated English is not good enough to understand it, feel free to let me know at @nishio_en. I’m very happy to spread my thought to non-Japanese readers.